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Fridays Jokes |
10 posts • Page 1 of 1
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| Re: Fridays Jokes |  by imrb on Wed Jun 02, 2010 2136 |
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imrb
- 1st Dan
- Posts: 115
- Joined: Jan 18th, 2007
- Location: melb
Mexican Words Of The Day
The teacher told Pepito to use the Following words in a sentence:
1. *Cheese*
Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.
3. *Shoulder*
My fren wants 2 become a citizen, but che didn't know how to read, So
I, shoulder.
4. * Texas *
When I'm not home, my fren always Texas me, Che wonders where I am!
5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza.
I got mine piece,then che got herpes.
6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store, but ju went to see sum guy.
July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars, but my wife rectum!
8. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife , but che said chicken go
herself.
9. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair
10. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
11. *Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women.
I told her, "Honey, harassment nothen to me.
12. *Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair, so I had to pick the bishop.
13. *Body wash*
I want to go to the club, but no body wash my kids.
14. *Budweiser*
That women has a nice body, Budweiser face so ugly?
The teacher told Pepito to use the Following words in a sentence:
1. *Cheese*
Maria likes me, but cheese ugly.
2. *Mushroom*
When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.
3. *Shoulder*
My fren wants 2 become a citizen, but che didn't know how to read, So
I, shoulder.
4. * Texas *
When I'm not home, my fren always Texas me, Che wonders where I am!
5. *Herpes*
Me and my fren ordered pizza.
I got mine piece,then che got herpes.
6. *July*
Ju told me ju were going to tha store, but ju went to see sum guy.
July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum*
I had 2 cars, but my wife rectum!
8. *Chicken*
I was going to go to the store with my wife , but che said chicken go
herself.
9. *Wheelchair*
We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair
10. *Chicken* *wing*
My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing.
11. *Harassment*
My wife caught me in bed with another women.
I told her, "Honey, harassment nothen to me.
12. *Bishop*
My wife fell down the stair, so I had to pick the bishop.
13. *Body wash*
I want to go to the club, but no body wash my kids.
14. *Budweiser*
That women has a nice body, Budweiser face so ugly?
| Re: Fridays Jokes | by If I Was A Bird on Thu Jun 17, 2010 0302 |
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If I Was A Bird
- 1st Dan
- Posts: 110
- Joined: Nov 9th, 2007
BULLFROGS & BLOW JOBS
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'
'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.
'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...
No more blow jobs for her!
She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off! ...
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied,
'If I can teach this frog to cook..........you're gone.'
A woman went into a store to buy her husband a pet for his birthday. After looking around, she found that all the pets were very expensive.
She told the clerk she wanted to buy a pet, but she didn't want to spend a fortune.
'Well,' said the clerk, 'I have a very large bullfrog. They say it's been trained to give blow jobs!'
'Blow jobs!' the woman replied.
'It hasn't been proven but we've sold 30 of them this month,' he said.
The woman thought it would be a great gag gift, and what if it's true...
No more blow jobs for her!
She bought the frog.
When she explained froggy's ability to her husband, he was extremely sceptical and laughed it off! ...
The woman went to bed happy, thinking she may never need to perform this less than riveting act again.
In the middle of the night, she was awakened by the noise of pots and pans flying everywhere, making hellacious banging and crashing sounds.
She ran downstairs to the kitchen, only to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
'What are you two doing at this hour?' she asked.
The husband replied,
'If I can teach this frog to cook..........you're gone.'
Never Argue With An Idiot. They Will Drag You Down To Their Level, Then Beat You With Experience
| Re: Fridays Jokes | by Bionic_kid on Fri Jul 30, 2010 1942 |
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Bionic_kid
- Silver Wings
- Posts: 23
- Joined: Aug 7th, 2009
s#%t! I actually got that joke..... urm.... anyway...
Rachel, Clare and Samantha hadn't seen each other since Secondary School.
They rediscovered each other via a reunion website and arranged to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
Rachel arrived first, wearing camel Versace. She ordered a bottle of chilled Chablis.
Clare arrived shortly afterwards, in grey Chanel.
After the required ritualised kisses she joined Rachel in a glass of Chablis.
Then Sam walked in, wearing a faded old Barbour, jeans and Wellington boots. She too shared the wine.
Rachel explained that after leaving school and graduating from Oxford in Classics she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq. ft house in North London, where Susanna, their daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in the hills above Monte Carlo.
Clare graduated from King's College and became a Consultant Gynaecologist. Her husband, Clive, is a leading A&E Consultant. They live in Dulwich and have a second home in Florida.
Sam explained that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical bird park in Norfolk and grow their own vegetables. Ben can stand four parrots side by side on his willy.
Half way down the third bottle of Chablis, several hours later, Rachel blurted out that her husband isn't Timothy, he's Tom and he's a clerk for Islington Council. They live in a terraced house in Muswell Hill, keep a caravan in France and Susan is a junior member of the local Amateur Drama Society.
Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, confessed that she and Clive are nurses in King's College.
They live in Herne Hill and have a timeshare in Orlando.
Samantha had to admit that the fourth parrot had to stand on one leg.
Rachel, Clare and Samantha hadn't seen each other since Secondary School.
They rediscovered each other via a reunion website and arranged to meet for lunch in a wine bar.
Rachel arrived first, wearing camel Versace. She ordered a bottle of chilled Chablis.
Clare arrived shortly afterwards, in grey Chanel.
After the required ritualised kisses she joined Rachel in a glass of Chablis.
Then Sam walked in, wearing a faded old Barbour, jeans and Wellington boots. She too shared the wine.
Rachel explained that after leaving school and graduating from Oxford in Classics she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq. ft house in North London, where Susanna, their daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in the hills above Monte Carlo.
Clare graduated from King's College and became a Consultant Gynaecologist. Her husband, Clive, is a leading A&E Consultant. They live in Dulwich and have a second home in Florida.
Sam explained that she left school at 17 and ran off with her boyfriend, Ben. They run a tropical bird park in Norfolk and grow their own vegetables. Ben can stand four parrots side by side on his willy.
Half way down the third bottle of Chablis, several hours later, Rachel blurted out that her husband isn't Timothy, he's Tom and he's a clerk for Islington Council. They live in a terraced house in Muswell Hill, keep a caravan in France and Susan is a junior member of the local Amateur Drama Society.
Clare, chastened and encouraged by her old friend's honesty, confessed that she and Clive are nurses in King's College.
They live in Herne Hill and have a timeshare in Orlando.
Samantha had to admit that the fourth parrot had to stand on one leg.
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